WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS (Part III)

WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS (Part III)

As the mourner enters into the third stage of the grieving process, known as BARGAINING, there is a major adjustment in what s/he is now thinking and feeling. 

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross uses an insightful illustration to paint a picture of this emotional transition:

“If we have been unable to face the sad facts in the first period and have been angry at people and God in the second phase, maybe we can succeed in entering into some sort of an agreement that might change things.  It goes something like this: If God has decided to take me or my loved one and did not respond to my angry pleas, He may be more favorable if I ask more nicely.  We parents are familiar with this reaction when we observe our children first demanding, then asking for a favor.  They may not accept their parents ‘NO’ when they want to spend the night at a friend’s house.  They may be angry and stamp their feet.  They may lock themselves in their bedroom and temporarily express their anger by rejecting us.  But they will also have second thoughts.  They may consider another approach.  They will come out eventually, volunteer to do some tasks around the house, which normally we would not succeed in getting them to do, and then tell us, ‘If I am very good all week and wash the dishes every evening, THEN will you let me go?’  They feel sure that there is a chance that we could accept their bargain and they will get what was previously denied.” [“On Death and Dying” – page 94]

MOUIRNERS (who could be either terminally ill patients or people who have lost loved ones) often act in similar fashion.  Following the initial phases of DENIAL and ANGER, there is a typical tendency to enter into BARGAINING with God.  The underlying thought process is that GOD will somehow better my situation if I enter into a solemn agreement to DO or to BE that which I have not done or been heretofore.

People of faith, and/or those who have been exposed to faith earlier in their lives, are especially prone to try to strike a bargain with God after we have been angry at Him for ‘allowing’ us to experience such major losses.  We, who believe we have covenant relationships with Him, somehow feel that our Creator is indebted to honor our past fidelity and service with Hezekiah-like blessings. (II Kings 20:1-6)  Whether our heart’s desire is to extend our own lives (in the case of terminal illness) or to get on with our lives with some semblance of peace (following the death of a loved one), we intuitively feel that God will be more responsive to our petitions if we offer mutual benefit to Him.

Actually, this is a distorted representation of the nature and character of God.

Jesus Christ admonished us, “Do not fear…for IT IS your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:32)  Exactly what does that mean?  The Apostle Peter suggests that the unchanging and unfailing love of God and “His divine power has [already] given to us ALL THINGS that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him.” (II Peter 1:3)  Therefore, there is no need to embrace fear, anxiety, or stress; and, certainly there is no need to enter into bargaining with GOD, who is the both the personification of love and the One who loves us “with an everlasting love.” (I John 4:8 and Jeremiah 31:3)  In the words of the Apostle James, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is NO VARIATION or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17) 

In other words, God never changes.  God never fails.  This is irrefutably true, no matter what we are facing and no matter how we feel.  When we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His plan.  Stay tuned…more to come on Monday.

Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed, and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO MEET OUR SOON COMING KING.  Maranatha!