ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH...WOMAN ENOUGH...TO APOLOGIZE?

ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH…WOMAN ENOUGH…TO APOLOGIZE?

During a recent church service, I witnessed something that was absolutely inspirational.  A husband asked his wife to stand while he addressed her in full view of the congregation.  He was incredibly open, transparent and tearful as he owned up to his self-perceived shortcomings as a husband and father, and he humbly asked his wife and family for forgiveness.  It was an entirely wondrous and magnificent moment.  It was simply beautiful.  Rather than deflating opinion about this gentleman, my respect for him grew – immediately and exponentially.  This experience caused me to think of a previous devotional I had posted on the subject of forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be rather illusive where there is an unwillingness to freely admit to a perceived injury. Indeed, many people find it extremely difficult to offer heartfelt, straight-forward, sincere apologies.  Why?  Because genuine apologies involve both emotional awareness and the verbal recognition that we have somehow wronged, damaged, or caused harm to another.

What is our typical response to someone else’s cry of “Ouch!”?  All too often, we immediately seek to minimize their pain, that is, we tend to classify their feelings as unwarranted, childish, or even over-the-top.  We either say aloud or think to ourselves, “Did it really hurt that bad?” Unfortunately, our failure to recognize and own up to their feelings, the result of their perception of injury, only exasperates the emotions and exacerbates the pain.

Vicki Muller wrote a story that exemplifies the attitude that many people have regarding the need to apologize whenever there is any perception of personal offense.  In Vicki’s words…:

This morning I accidentally struck my three-year-old with my handbag as I was coming through the door.

She cried out loudly, “Mommy you hit me!”

I responded with, “But darling I didn’t mean it, so why are you upset with me?”

“But you did hit me Mommy…and it hurts!”

“But I didn’t mean it sweetie...OK?”

Then I had an emotional epiphany; I realized that actually it’s not OK.  Whether an injury is intentional or not, it needs to be recognized as real and legitimate pain.  It really does.  My daughter had a tiny red mark on her forehead and it was in fact my doing, whether I meant to do it or not.

So I put the groceries down, leaned forward and asked her to show me the mark.  I then gave her a loving kiss, said “I am really sorry,” and followed up with a warm cuddle.  No more was spoken about my offense.

It was an easy thing to do – much easier than arguing and insisting “It’s not my fault because I didn’t mean it!”  Yes, a lot of things are unintentional, but they still need to be recognized as actual pain.

Really…how hard is it to simply face someone, embrace them and apologize?

Ms. Muller’s story is absolutely on point.  It has been said that perception is nine-tenths of reality.  So, if someone feels hurt, in fact, they are hurt.  Bottom-line: If someone feels they have been hurt, what is the upside in insisting that they are not?  All too often, we blame the victims of our errors via casual or insensitive responses to their pain, and we say things like this: “You must have misunderstood me.” [or] “You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.” [or] “That’s just me…it’s how I am…and you just have to accept me being me!”  Nevertheless, we could radically diminish the time needed for healing and forgiveness, if would just offer an unconditional apology for any perceived offense.  Think about it.  Wars could be avoided; marriages could be saved; relationships could be salvaged – if we would only discipline ourselves enough (and love enough) to do the right thing. (Proverbs 16:18)  

Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed, and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO MEET OUR SOON COMING KING. Maranatha!