TRY A LITTLE
TENDERNESS
Pastor Robert L. Smith
shared an interesting incident. He was working with public school
children, some of whom were experiencing behavioral challenges. One of his students got completely out of
control, absolutely refusing to comply with orderly classroom conduct.
Instead of raising his voice, or berating the student in some way, Pastor Smith
wisely employed an alternative technique. He simply smiled and said, “I
think what you really need is a hug!” Immediately, the young boy broke
out into a broad grin. He hugged his mentor affectionately and thereafter
made radical adjustments in his behavior.
Sometimes we do not
achieve positive relational results because of erroneous assumptions.
For example, a
conflict counselor was enlisted by a parish priest to resolve a long-standing
problem. The relationship between the priest and the parochial school
principal had deteriorated to the point where they could no longer communicate.
The conflict counselor prepared them for a face-to-face meeting with the
follow instruction: “Before we get together, I want both of you to write down
what you think the problems are in your relationship.”
The principal and the
priest arrived at their first meeting and sat opposite one another. The
counselor asked them to read their lists.
The priest described
the problem from his point of view. “I
feel that the principal resents my presence in the school. I would like
to play a larger role but feel I can’t. I’d
especially like to be more involved in religious education, but I feel pushed
out.”
The principal then
read his assessment of the situation. “I feel the priest doesn’t want to get
involved in the school. For the life of me, I can’t understand why he
feels that way because we desperately need him, especially in religious
education.”
Wow! So much of what
we perceive as conflict has its origins in false or negative impressions of
others. Wouldn’t it be much better if we were to see others through the
empathetic eyes of grace and mercy, just as GOD sees us?
This reminds me of a
historic setback for Standard Oil, then one of the largest companies in the
world, led by the wealthy industrialist, John D Rockefeller. A company
executive had made a bad business decision that cost the firm two million
dollars, a huge sum in the late 1800s.
A corporate partner,
Edward Bedford, had an appointment to see Mr. Rockefeller. When he
entered Rockefeller’s office, he saw his boss at his desk, bent over a piece of
paper, busily scribbling notes. Mr. Rockefeller finally looked up and
said to Bedford, “I suppose you’ve heard about our loss? I’ve been
thinking it over,” Rockefeller said. “Before I ask the man in to discuss
the matter, I’ve been making some notes.”
Bedford looked across
the table and saw the page Rockefeller had been scribbling on.
Across the top of the page was the heading, “Positive Points
in Favor of Mr. ____.” Below that heading was a long list of the
employee’s good qualities, including specific notes about three occasions where
he made decisions that earned the company many times more than the losses from
his recent error.
Bedford never forgot
that strategic and gracious lesson. He remarked, “Whenever I am tempted
to rip into anyone, I force myself first to sit down and thoughtfully compile
as long a list of that person’s good points as I possibly can.
Invariably, by the time I finish this personal inventory, I see the
matter in its true perspective and keep my temper in check.”
What about US?
There are hundreds of things that have the potential to annoy us on a daily
basis. However, JESUS CHRIST admonishes us to handle potential setbacks
with wisdom, compassion and patience. In fact, according to Jesus, “In
your patience you possess your souls.” (Luke 21:19)
So when we are tempted
to fly off the handle and react too swiftly or strongly, let’s just push the pause
button for a moment, take a deep breath and THINK: What would WISDOM have to say
about the matter before us? My
friend, why not try a little tenderness?
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren,
whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are
just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
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