THE TERRIBLE TWO’S
Belinda and I have a granddaughter named
Savannah whom we love dearly. The other day, we were recalling Savannah’s
development at the age of two years. Now
she is five years old. Unlike most of our grandchildren, Savannah was
relatively slow in developing her ability to communicate verbally.
HOWEVER, once she DID…Savannah
immediately became large-and-in-charge in every room she entered.
We love her very much and would take
nothing in exchange for her place in our family and in our hearts. But
Savannah was quite a challenge at
the age of two. She was caught up in the
throes of what pseudo-psychologists (like myself) call “the terrible
two’s.” She was peevishly insistent on having her way with all of us,
including her two siblings, Sydney and Dylan. Of course, her noisy
petulance did not play out very well with them.
One memorable day, when Savannah had activated
her typical agenda of having everything her way, I started processing her
behavior from a different perspective, with more insight and revelation. It
dawned on me that Savannah was much like (indeed JUST LIKE) some members of the
institutional church. After hearing her elders’ words, she systematically
selected the directives she wanted to follow. In this early stage of
emotional development, she was completely self-willed and self-absorbed.
Everything was ALWAYS about her personal wishes or perceived needs.
Nevertheless, in the middle of that day’s testy
temper tantrum, something rather marvelous occurred. Belinda picked up
Savannah, cradled her gently and whispered softly in her ear, “I love you,
sweetie.” Soon Savannah quieted herself and nestled in your grandmother’s
compassionate, caring arms. What a life lesson for me! Wow!
Right away, I recalled a devotional I had
written and an insightful follow-up comment from a spiritually discerning
reader. Someone responded in a rather hostile manner to something I had
written. And it was not their
disagreement, but their tone that troubled me.
The pastor-reader from South Africa wisely suggested that we PRAY for
those who exhibit behaviors that feel aggressive or seem divisive to us.
His words caused me to re-examine my own thinking. “The differences will
always be there,” he said, “but I pray they never cloud fellowship and the
gospel.” Profound wisdom. Instead of becoming perturbed or responding
in haste, we should prayerfully seek to understand the speaker and to adjust
our own attitudes accordingly.
The Apostle Paul offered similar advice to
the Church of Galatia: “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you
who are spiritual
restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, CONSIDERING YOURSELF lest you
also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law
of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2, NKJV).
Belinda clearly modeled the way forward
for us, i.e. to support Savannah by redirecting her attitude and her actions
with consistent, genuine, gentle (yet firm), unconditional love. Indeed,
even while our beloved Savannah was fully ensconced in “the terrible two’s,” we
genuinely loved her, without reservations or conditions. Dylan and Sydney
were far too young to comprehend the emotional nuances that undergirded their
baby sister’s behavior. And I do not wish to model their (understandable)
immaturity in my dealings with people who also might ‘appear’ to be unkind or
contentious. Rather, I resolve to purposefully emulate my wonderful
wife’s wisdom and compassion.
So, the next time I interact with someone
who seems strident or difficult, I will respond with a radical difference –
with much more compassion, with intercessory prayer, with empathy and with a
real awareness of my own faults and shortcomings. Who knows? They could
be experiencing a spiritual version of ‘the
terrible two’s,’ and they might be in dire need of encountering a loving
‘spiritual adult’ in their room.
No comments:
Post a Comment