There is a highly
fascinating story-beneath-the-stories in the Acts of the Apostles. Its
principal characters are Paul, Barnabas and Mark, and the sub-plot involves
hurt, disappointment, separation, reconciliation and forgiveness. Before
I explore details of this story, allow me to make an important observation.
If you have never been disappointed by the actions of others (or even by
your own actions), you are likely living in that gray neutral zone where you
neither experience failure nor defeat because you have been paralyzed by fear
and you steadfastly refuse to embrace new relationships or new
experiences. Consider this. Disappointment and pain are part and
parcel of the human experience.
Albeit, the downside
of intentionally focusing on those twin negative experiences, disappointment
and pain, is the likelihood of personal frustration. If there is anything
worse than unresolved anger with others, it is an inward rage at one’s own self
for never trying, never failing and thus never succeeding. Over time,
inward frustration and negative feelings become festering wounds; and,
festering wounds are extremely dangerous wounds. Since you must eat from
the garden of your own inner thoughts, don’t ‘grow’ anything there that you
don’t want to consume, or be consumed by. You and I must learn how to
forgive other ‘HUMAN’ beings; and, our very first step toward accepting the
clay feet of others is learning how to forgive ourselves for past personal errors
and transgressions.
Now, on to our Bible story.
Barnabas was the traveling companion of the Apostle Paul and an accomplished
co-laborer in the gospel. Mark was the nephew of Barnabas, and he dearly loved
traveling with the great evangelist, Paul, and his partner, Uncle Barnabas.
Perhaps, there was no kinder person in the New Testament than Barnabas.
We can infer much about the character of Barnabas from his name, which
means “son of encouragement.” On the other hand, Paul, the New
Testament’s greatest missionary and most prolific author, might have seemed
rather rigid and inflexible to the youthful Mark.
During one of Paul’s
missionary journeys, a course correction moved them inland from Pamphylia to a
place that was known to be quite dangerous. Young Mark spoke loudly by
his actions: ‘NO, this place isn’t for me, and this is as far as I am going!’
So Mark took the ‘first flight’ home, to more secure and familiar environs.
Later on, as Paul was
planning his next evangelistic expedition, Uncle Barnabas wanted to take Nephew
Mark along with them again. In so many words, Paul said “Absolutely not –
he failed us before and might fail us again!” Paul and Barnabas ended up
separating because of their divergent viewpoint and the disagreement that
followed. Nevertheless, I love how the story ends. In the twilight
of Paul’s life, while he sat on death row in Rome awaiting execution by Emperor
Nero, it was Mark who served as the courier for important spiritual letters
penned by the aging apostle. Paul had apparently forgiven Mark and a true
reconciliation had occurred. The apostle not only spoke highly of Mark,
but he fully trusted him with the delivery of epistles that were destined to
become a prominent part of The New Testament. Wow!
I believe that Mark
must have been on Paul’s heart when the Holy Spirit inspired him to write the
following: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
True biblical
forgiveness not only pardons the offense, but IT FULLY RESTORES THE OFFENDER. All of us have heard this
saying, “I will FORGIVE, but I will NEVER FORGET.” To be completely
transparent, I have spoken those words myself. But in my times of true
spiritual self-examination, I had to ask myself an important question: ‘LORD, AM I TRULY FORGIVING IF I AM WILLFULLY
HOLDING ONTO AND HARBORING THE MEMORY OF ANOTHER PERSON’S MISDEED?’ The
emphasis here is on “willfully” since we cannot completely control the
autonomic function of human memory. Only GOD can truly forget. I
love Hebrews 10:17, where God declares: “Their sins and iniquities will I
remember no more.” Since we lack the capacity to absolutely forget, we
must, AS AN ACT OF THE WILL,
make the decision not to continuously replay the act of offense, via our
private meditations and spoken words.
Here are some
practical and mission-critical steps I have learned about the PROCESS OF FORGIVING:
1.
Honestly
confess to God your true feelings about the offense and the offender, and ask
for His help.
2.
As
much as humanly possible, stop replaying the act of offense in the mental loop
of your thoughts.
3.
Replace
negative thoughts with positive truths from the Word. Speak and declare
only what the Word speaks and declares about the situation and the person.
4.
Pray
sincerely and frequently for the offending party.
5.
Refuse
to be drawn into gossip or negative conversations pertaining to the offense or offender.
6.
Try
to reflect on the good qualities or characteristics of the offending party and
speak them aloud, both to yourself and to others.
7.
Greet
the offending party with sincerity and love. You do not have to hold
extensive conversation with them just yet, but you will eventually ‘feel
better’ if you do not try to avoid them.
8.
Always
consider your own flaws and imperfections. This will keep you humble and
more likely to forgive the flaws and imperfections of others.
Finally, we must never
forget one mission critical fact: GOD
FORGIVES US IN THE SAME MANNER THAT WE FORGIVE OTHERS. (Matthew
6:12;15) And we DO want to be forgiven,
right?
In closing, I am
firmly convinced that strife, ill-will and division are designed in hell and
deployed as satanic tools to nullify our ability to be unified and cohesive
families, both naturally and spiritually.
So remember something that I state often: FAMILIES ARE THE BASIC BUILDING-BLOCKS OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD.
Indeed, our God wants to transform and show off our relationships as
clear reflections of His divine love. In other words, God’s power is on
display in us. When we fail to forgive, we actually increase the power
and influence of darkness. When we prayerfully and lovingly forgive, God smiles
and divine favor rests upon all of us. Thus, GENUINE FORGIVENESS IS MISSION CRITICAL to all we were
designed to BE (and DO) in the perfect plan and purpose of God.
Sisters and brothers,
be continually blessed and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO
MEET YOUR SOON COMING KING. Maranatha!
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