THE SPOUSE OF YOUR DREAMS

THE SPOUSE OF YOUR DREAMS

One relationship that is unquestionably valued by God is the sacramental covenant of marriage.  It is the centerpiece of the family unit, which is the BASIC BUILDING BLOCK OF THE KINGDOM OF GOD.  Marriage is (at once) the most fulfilling and the most challenging of life experiences.  It provides a rare and precious opportunity for the highest degree of intimacy, integrity and self-awareness.  Because no one knows you like your spouse does; and, no one can cause you to know yourself as completely via shared life experiences. 

Marriage is inherently wonderful and it is bountifully blessed when both partners share abiding love and loyalty to one another, when both hold fidelity to their sacred vows and when both live out the commitment to hold their relationship and covenant above all others.

However, some people don’t quite ‘see’ marriage this way.  Their view of marriage is an extremely negative and constrictive portrait of obligation and bondage, more so than mutual sharing and agape love.  In fact, some men even see their wives as a burdensome “PAIN.”  Recently, I read an interesting story involving that sort of perspective.  It goes like this: In Sunday School, they were teaching the children how Almighty God created everything, including human beings.  Little Matthew, a five-year-old in the Beginners Class, seemed especially attentive when they revealed how Eve was created out of Adam’s side, from his rib.  Later that week, Little Matthew’s mother observed him laying down on the sofa.  He appeared to be ill, so she inquired with maternal concern, “Matt, what’s the matter?”  Matthew had eaten too much.  Remembering his Sunday School lesson, he responded: “I have a pain in my side.  I think I’m going to have a wife!”  Hmmm.  It’s a cute and humorous story, but it is also a clear illustration of the unfortunate image that some people may have of their spouses.

Eventually all married persons discover a core truth, i.e. there are no perfect partners and no seamless relationships.  Marriage involves rigorous and intentional work.  Sometimes it feels hard. Sometimes it seems easy.  But always, it requires dedication, discipline and a firm commitment to unconditional love.  Over the years, I have attended numerous anniversary celebrations, and I’ve heard two or three spouses saying something like this: “We have been together for ‘x’ number of years, and we have NEVER had a disagreement.”  While I am usually not prone to emotional outbursts, at times such as these I am sorely tempted to jump up and shout the infamous recitation of children-at-play: “Liar, liar, pants on fire!”  Keep on smiling, but know this: NO marriage, however healthy and loving and strong - NO marriage - escapes times of testing and moments of uncertainty when either or both partners question the validity and wisdom of their original decision.

Admittedly, I am far from a pro in the arena of marriage, but I want to share what some might consider to be valuable and strategic life-lessons:

1. Your spouse will become what you affirm through your words, deeds and prayers, (or) your spouse will become what you confirm by your criticisms, put-downs and negative commentary.

2. You will get through the toughest of times if you continually pray, communicate and make the unalterable commitment that failure is not an option.

3. Since disagreements will inevitably occur, it is important to learn how to ‘fight fairly.’  That is, to learn how to focus on the issue at hand and not to bring up other issues/problems from either the past or present.  Address miscellaneous concerns separately, preferably at another time, and certainly not during the ‘heat’ of conflict.

4. When tempers flare, please take a ‘chill pill.’  That is, stop talking for a few moments, breathe deeply, and (if need be) take a time-out in another room so cooler heads can prevail and so regrettable words will not be spoken.

5. The most intimate details of your relationship (whether bright or dim) should stay in your special and sacred space of marital privacy.

6. Mutual trust is mission critical to matrimonial success.  Allow space for it and do not break it because it is extremely difficult to repair.

7. Forgiveness is a vital component of marriage.  Maintaining a record of past hurts is a destructive and counterproductive force in any marriage.

8. Satan wants your marriage to fail; so do your enemies.  Make all of them liars.

9. The grass sometimes looks greener on the other side of the fence, but it never is.

10. Covenant prayer is so essential that you should consider dedicating a room or a space for daily prayer with your spouse.

11. Keep doing all the things you did to ‘win’ your spouse in order to ‘keep’ your spouse.  Open the proverbial ‘windows of creativity’ in your relationship to keep freshness and newness alive.

12. Spend quality time together daily, and not always in front of a television set.

13. Listen carefully when your spouse highlights the events of the day.  Show interest.  You are her/his valued sounding board.  Don’t rush in to solve the problem that is presented; just be a good listener and your advice will be sought.

14. Try to make money and take good care of your household, but never allow money to make you.  Be wise stewards of whatever you earn or receive.

15. Husbands, show kindness to your wife and be willing to listen to her God-given wisdom.  Don’t ever ‘lord’ over her.  Wives, remain open to the God-given leadership of your husband and make him feel special and needed.

I hope these insights prove to be helpful for you; they have certainly strengthened Belinda and me, and our sacred marriage covenant.  My friends, God honors marriage so much that He compares the marriage covenant to the sacrificial love of Christ. Hear now the witness of the Word:

Ephesians 5:21-33 (NKJV)

²¹ Submitting to one another in the fear of God. ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.  ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In closing, the “Spouse of Your Dreams” is no fantasy or fairy-tale persona, not at all. S/he does not have to be the most intelligent, the most articulate, the best looking, the best cook, the best handyman, the best lover, or anything else one might rate and rank as “best.”  But s/he must surely be a lover of God, s/he must live out the higher dimensions of love specified in I Corinthians 13, and s/he must be totally dedicated to you and your shared covenant.  Engage and enjoy the spouse of your dreams.  Cherish, honor and love her/him as Christ cherishes, honors and loves you.  It’s a recipe for fulfillment and success.

Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO MEET OUR SOON COMING KING! Maranatha!