PARENTING: THE GREATEST CHALLENGE

PARENTING: THE GREATEST CHALLENGE

 Anyone who has raised a child would likely confess that parenting is among the most difficult jobs on the planet.  According to The Holy Writ, “children are a heritage from the Lord.” (Psalm 127:3)  However, on a day-to-day basis, it becomes quite challenging for most of us to maintain such a balanced and biblical perspective.

 Sometimes, parents, our thoughts seem to be all over the map: ‘Should I offer an ample dose of ‘tough love’ for any ill decisions or misdeeds that arise?’  Or, ‘Should I be that parent who provides an ongoing infusion of unconditional love and support, regardless of my child’s conduct and choices?’

 Parenting involves high anxiety because it means a constant struggle (or should I say warfare?) against the all-pervasive, dominant, cultural influences of peer pressure, pop culture and amoral media.  I love the way columnist, Ellen Goodman, frames it.  “At some point between Lamaze and PTA, it becomes clear that one of your main jobs as a parent is to counter the culture.  What the media deliver to children by the masses, you are expected to rebut one at a time.  Parents are expected to protect their children from an increasingly hostile environment and screen virtually every aspect of their children's lives.  To check the ratings on the movies, to read the labels on the CDs, to find out if there’s illicit music playing in the house next door.  All the while keeping in touch with school, and in your free time, earning a living!”

 Kindly excuse my poor grammar, but parenting ain’t easy!  In fact, it’s downright exhausting.

 Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a research associate at the Institute for American Values, reports that “a common complaint from parents is their sense of being overwhelmed by the culture.  They feel much more helpless than their own parents felt.”  Indeed, Christian parents see themselves in a life-or-death struggle for the hearts and minds of their children.

 One of the more troublesome experiences of parenthood is seeing your less-than-ideal traits surfacing randomly in your children.  Author Gore Vidal put it this way.  “All children alarm their parents, if only because you are forever expecting to encounter yourself.”  Mr. Vidal, I’m sure most of us can relate.

 We try various and sundry methods to reach our children, i.e. to communicate effectively with them.  Some parents find humor to be a possible connection.  President Harry Truman jokingly remarked, “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”  Obviously, he was kidding since children need sound advice and structure if they are to stretch toward their potential and become productive and ethical people, as God intends.

 Recently, I read Dr. James Dobson’s commentary that focuses on how self-esteem affects the values of our children.  An excerpt is reprinted below:

 According to a recent study, young men with high self-esteem shared some common childhood influences.  There were common characteristics in their families.  (1) The high-esteem group was clearly more loved and appreciated at home than the low-esteem group.  (2) The high-esteem group came from homes where parents had been significantly more strict in their approach to discipline.  By contrast, the parents of the low-esteem group created insecurity and dependence through their permissiveness.  Their children were more likely to feel that the rules were not enforced because no one cared enough to really get involved. 

 But here’s the bottom-line.  In the words of Anne Frank, “Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”  However, to maximize the opportunity for our children and grandchildren to arrive at their true purpose and destiny, we must ensure that they are exposed early to Christ and Christian values.

 In closing, my parental advice is rather simple:  Love.  Communicate.  Set boundaries.  Offer correction.  Be present.  Be consistent.  Forgive.  Restore.  Follow the Word.  Pray.