THE HUSBAND OF GOD'S DESIGN - PART I

A committed Christian gentleman from South Africa recently submitted this question: “Greetings Man of God, please help me here...what is the role of a man in a woman’s life?”  Since the Word has so much to say on this matter, it is an excellent topic for a devotional series.  I am cognizant of the fact that all men are not presently married.  Nevertheless, for Christian men, the process of dating and courtship should have one end-goal: to discover the woman of God’s choice and to enter into the mutually binding covenant relationship of marriage.  Therefore, my general response to this question is that all men must strive diligently to become the husband of God’s design.  During the next three days, let’s explore scriptural specifics, utilizing St. Paul’s admonitions to the Church of Ephesus as our primary text. 

Ephesians 5:1-2;15-33

¹ Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

² And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour.

¹⁵ See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

¹⁶ Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

¹⁷ Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

¹⁸ And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

¹⁹ Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

²⁰ Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

²¹ Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

²⁴ Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

To gain broader insight into the husband’s God-given and God-designed role and responsibilities, our series will address the following Kingdom Principles:

DAY ONE

Kingdom Principle Number One: FIRST AND FOREMOST, BE CENTERED IN CHRIST.

Kingdom Principle Number Two: LET LOVE BE YOUR OPERATING PRINCIPLE.

Kingdom Principle Number Three: BE WISE, BE FOCUSED, BE STRATEGIC, AND BE GOAL-ORIENTED.

DAY TWO

Kingdom Principle Number Four: BE FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT.

Kingdom Principle Number Five: SATURATE YOUR PALACE WITH PRAYER AND PRAISE.

Kingdom Principle Number Six: AS A MAN, NEVER FEAR MUTUAL SUBMISSION.

Kingdom Principle Number Seven: LOVE YOUR WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES HIS CHURCH.

DAY THREE

Kingdom Principle Number Eight: CHERISH YOUR WIFE AND NURTURE AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

Kingdom Principle Number Nine: LEAVE YOUR BIRTH-HOME (FULLY)…AND CLEAVE TO YOUR WIFE.

Kingdom Principle Number Ten: DISCOVER THE THREE-DIMENSIONAL UNION AND POWER OF UNITY.

Please pardon the length of our initial devotional for this very important series.  It is necessary to include our entire scriptural text, as well as a series overview.  Let’s begin!

Kingdom Principle Number One: FIRST AND FOREMOST, BE CENTERED IN CHRIST.  We are mandated to walk daily before God “as dear children.” (Ephesians 5:1)  The implications are clear.  First of all, we must enter into a sincere and enduring covenant relationship with Christ.  It is imperative that both partners to the marriage be fully engaged in a dual covenant relationship, both with Christ (who sanctifies, guides, blesses and balances the marriage), and obviously with one another.  Since marriage is God-ordained, it must be God-ordered, in both the initiation-phase and the actualization-phase of the union. 

The question is begged: “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)  Hence, it is a foolish and disastrous notion to expect marital success when partners are “unequally yoked,” and thus out of lock-step with Christ (and each other) in the fulfillment of the nuptial covenant.  In St. Paul’s words, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  And what communion hath light with darkness?” (II Corinthians 6:14)  To even enter into a time of courtship with an unbeliever is dangerous and disastrous.  Two questions are begged: “Why?  And to what end?”  We must allow any potential partner to independently develop their relationship with Christ.  This allows assurance that their motives for pursuing a relationship with the Lord have nothing to do with entering into a marriage.  Wisdom is in order, as well as personal discipline.  Both should be the object of earnest prayer, fasting and Word study.

Kingdom Principle Number Two: LET LOVE BE YOUR OPERATING PRINCIPLE.  Since GOD is love (I John 4:8), love must epitomize our attitudes and actions.  Refer to I Corinthians, chapter 13, for a ‘snapshot’ of true-love-in-action.  The Message Bible translation is marvelous.  It says, “Love never gives up.  Love cares more for others than for self.  Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.  Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.”  WOW!  If we can live with that caliber of conscientiousness regarding our attitudes toward (and our treatment of) our wives, overflowing family success will be reserved for us.

Kingdom Principle Number Three: BE WISE, BE FOCUSED, BE STRATEGIC, AND BE GOAL-ORIENTED.  In the words of the Apostle James, “…the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” (James 3:17)  To wit, husbands must systematically pursue heavenly wisdom.  We must be wise enough, focused enough, strategic enough, and goal-oriented enough that our wives will want to follow us.  There is nothing more tiring and more pathetic than a leader (of any stripe) who has to constantly announce, “I am the boss!”  Husbands must always be in possession of an effective action plan and we must maintain sufficient grit and determination to execute that plan, with integrity, sensitivity and consistency. 

Bottom-line: There should be something special about the family leader that warrants and attracts heartfelt honor!  Our wives will then have respect for us as men of God, in the literal sense of that phrase.  In the absence of such mutual respect, marriages often deteriorate into “envying and strife [which generates] confusion and every evil work.” (James 3:16)  Real men never have to announce or underscore their status.  Our work ethic (naturally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually) should speak clearly for us.  My sisters and brothers, be continually blessed!  Stay tuned…more to come tomorrow!