WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS (Part IV)

WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS (Part IV)

Previously, I made a major error that must be corrected.  I listed DEPRESSION as the third stage of the grieving process.  Actually, it is the fourth stage, following DENIAL, ANGER and BARGAINING.  Please pardon my mistake.  Following are the FIVE STAGES OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS (according to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) in the actual order that they most typically occur.

-DENIAL

-ANGER

-BARGAINING

-DEPRESSION

-ACCEPTANCE

Since I have already discussed DEPRESSION (albeit out of sequence in Part II, on Thursday, 08 October), I will conclude this devotional series by highlighting the fifth and final stage of the grieving process, which is ACCEPTANCE. 

Eventually, ALL OF US will come face-to-face with the inevitable reality of our mortality.  No matter how lengthy our journey on the planet, our stay here comes to a conclusion, as all mortal realities must. Thankfully, given sufficient time and assistance in working our way through the previous stages, most of us arrive at a point where there is neither anger nor depression about what has occurred (in the case of the death of a loved one) or what is to come (in the case of one’s own impending death).  In both instances, the ‘mourner’ will have systematically measured the magnitude of his/her loss by reviewing a host of life memories and/or shared life experiences.

For the Christian, acceptance can actually be a joyful stage.  However, Dr. Kubler-Ross describes it as a stage that is sometimes devoid of feelings.  Predictably, during this time, one’s circle of interests greatly diminishes.  There is little appetite for food, even favorites that have always caught our attention and enthusiasm.  And dependent upon the individual, communication may become more nonverbal than verbal.  In fact, endless conversation by those who are concerned for the mourner could become a source of irritation.

This is an opportune moment to address the behavior and decorum of those who would bring comfort to the grieving or the dying.  Now hear this!  It is our task to LISTEN, rather than to speak constantly and/or run through our personal repertoire of meaningless platitudes.  I refer to this important task as the MINISTRY OF PRESENCE or the MINISTRY OF LISTENING.  In truth, there is no way that those of us who would bring comfort could know precisely HOW THE MOURNER FEELS or WHAT THEY ARE GOING THROUGH (emotionally, physically, or spiritually), even if we have experienced what we believe to be a similar loss. 

Indeed, EVERY LIFE IS ENTIRELY UNIQUE; and thus, our life experiences (and the ways we process them during times of mourning) are as different as the fingerprints that are distinctive for every human being. Therefore, the comforter must enter the ‘mourning scene’ with no agenda, no judgments and no expectations regarding the attitude or actions of the mourner.  Unconditional love, real sensitivity and compassionate silence (along with the offer to communicate as needed) are the orders of the day.

Having served in ministry for five decades, it has been my honor to serve the needs of the dying and the living during those troubling times – preliminary to loss or in the aftermath of loss.  Where indicated, and when led by the Holy Spirit, I have offered simple and personalized interventions of the gospel message. And, I have found such moments to be opportune times for a full acceptance of Christ’s gracious atonement and offer of personal salvation.  It is important to be gently persuasive (not high-minded or heavy-handed) during such delicate and pivotal moments.

FAITH informs me that GOD HAS A PLAN.  God never fails.  And it is His divine will that none should perish. (John 3:16 and Matthew 18:14) In truth, DEATH is a curse that all of humankind has inadvertently inherited via a deliberate embrace of the sin of disobedience. (Genesis 3:1-19) However, that’s not the end of the story, not by a long shot.  For we believers have been deputized by GOD with a message of HOPE that we must convey proactively to the living and to the dying.

The Word of God has much to say about death and its destiny.

I Corinthians 15:20-26 (NKJV)

20 But now CHRIST IS RISEN FROM THE DEAD, and has become the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. 22 For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive. 23 But each one in his own order: Christ the first fruits, afterward those who are Christ’s at His coming. 24 Then comes the end, when He delivers the kingdom to God the Father, when He puts an end to all rule and all authority and power. 25 For He must reign till He has put all enemies under His feet. 26 THE LAST ENEMY THAT WILL BE DESTROYED IS DEATH.

No, my friend, death is NOT the end of the story…

I Corinthians 15:51-55 (NKJV)

⁵¹ Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but WE SHALL ALL BE CHANGED— ⁵² in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. ⁵³ For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.⁵⁴ So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY.” ⁵⁵ “O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING? O GRAVE, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY?”

I close with selected lines from one of my favorite sonnets, written by the English poet, John Donne.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

One short sleep past, we wake eternally

And death shall be no more; DEATH, THOU SHALT DIE.

Remember: GOD NEVER FAILS.  WHEN WE CANNOT TRACE HIS HAND, WE MUST TRUST HIS PLAN.

Amen?  AMEN!!!

Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed, and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO MEET OUR SOON COMING KING.  Maranatha!