ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH...WOMAN ENOUGH...TO APOLOGIZE?

Forgiveness can be rather illusive where there is unwillingness to freely admit to a perceived injury.  Many people find it extremely difficult to offer heartfelt, straight-forward, sincere apologies.  Why?  Because genuine apologies involve both an emotional awareness and a verbal recognition that we have somehow wronged, damaged, or emotionally harmed someone.

So what is our typical response to someone else’s cry of “Ouch!”?  All too often, we immediately seek to minimize their pain, that is, we tend to classify their feelings as unwarranted, childish, or even over-the-top.  We either say aloud or think to ourselves, “Did it really hurt that bad?”  Unfortunately, our failure to recognize and own up to the feelings that result from the perception of injury only exasperate the emotions and exacerbate the pain.

Vicki Muller wrote a story that exemplifies the attitude that many people have regarding the need to apologize whenever there is any perception of personal offense.  In Vicki’s words…:

This morning I accidentally struck my three-year-old with my handbag as I was coming through the door.

She cried out loudly, “Mommy you hit me!”

I responded with, “But darling I didn’t mean it, so why are you upset with me?”

“But you did hit me Mommy…and it hurts!”

“But I didn’t mean it sweetie...OK?”

Then I had an emotional epiphany; I realized that actually it’s not OK.  Whether an injury is intentional or not, it needs to be recognized as very real and legitimate pain that you have caused another.  It really does.  My daughter had a tiny red mark on her forehead and it was in fact my doing, whether I meant to do it or not.

So I put the groceries down, leaned forward and asked her to show me the mark.  I then gave her a loving kiss, said “I am really sorry,” and followed up with a warm cuddle.  No more was spoken about my offense.

It was a really easy thing to do – much easier than arguing and insisting “It’s not my fault because I didn’t mean it!”  Yes, a lot of things are unintentional, but they still need to be recognized as actual pain.

Really…how hard is it to simply face someone, embrace them and apologize?

Ms. Muller’s story is absolutely on point.  It has been said that perception is nine-tenths of reality.  So if someone feels hurt, in fact, they are hurt.  Bottom-line: If someone feels they have been hurt, what is the upside in insisting that they are not?  All too often, we blame the victims of our errors via casual or insensitive responses to their pain, and we say things like this: “You must have misunderstood me.” [or] “You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.” [or] “That’s just me…it’s how I am…and you just have to accept me being me!”  Nevertheless, we could radically diminish the time needed for healing and forgiveness, if would just offer unconditional apologies for any and all perceived offenses.  Think about it.  Wars could be avoided; marriages could be saved; relationships could be salvaged – if we would only discipline ourselves enough (and love others enough) to do the right thing. (Proverbs 16:18)  Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed!