MAKING THE MOST OF PARENTHOOD (Part II)

MAKING THE MOST OF PARENTHOOD (Part II)

Sometimes it’s wise to gain the insight of professionals, especially when it comes to developing parenting skills.  The American Psychological Association recommends seven practical strategies to maximize opportunity for success in the raising of our children. I’ll share four of them today.  You may (or may not) agree with all of them.  So…‘eat the fish, and throw away the bones.’

Embrace praise.

The rationale here is that when we give more attention to undesirable behavior, we increase undesirable behavior.   Dr. Alan Kazdin, a Yale University psychology professor and director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic, concludes that “when it comes to nagging, reprimand and other forms of punishment, the more you do it, the more likely you are not going to get the behavior you want.  For example, a better way to get children to clean their room or do their homework is to model the behavior yourself, encourage it and praise it when you see it.”

Look the other way.

Research suggests that parents should learn to ignore minor and annoying misbehaviors that aren’t dangerous, such as a child whining about a sibling not sharing or a toddler throwing food on the floor.  Often, these are consciously or subconsciously intended to manipulate our emotions.  One way of minimizing them is to purposefully ignore them.

Learn about child development.

Parents are more effective when they read up on child development to understand the behaviors that are common for each developmental stage.  Often, when a child displays a behavior that a parent doesn’t like, such as making a mess while eating, it’s because the child is simply learning a new skill.  Parents who know what a child is capable of understanding, feeling and doing at different ages and stages of development can be more realistic about what behaviors to expect, leading to less frustration and aggression for everyone.

Do time-out right.

Three decades of research on time-outs show that they work best when they are brief and immediate.  Dr. Kazdin writes, “A way to get ‘time-out’ to work depends on ‘time-in'—that is, what the parents are modeling and affirming when the child is not being punished.”  Research also suggests that parents need to remain calm when administering time-outs—which is often a difficult feat in the heat of the misbehavior—and they should praise compliance once the child completes it. 

My intention for highlighting these psychological admonitions is to offer parents a foundational framework to think through practical, specific and creative strategies that work best in their family and with their children.  Of course, we engaged grandparents are also included in the mix.  Stay tuned…more to come tomorrow!

Sisters and brothers, be continually blessed, and please (above all else) MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY TO MEET OUR SOON COMING KING. Maranatha!